Monday, 12 December 2016

Confessions and Reflections

wooden spatula technically, but you get the point.

  Well, here I am again, I actually didn't expect to be writing another spanking post quite so soon.  But I guess with how busy and stressful it has been around here I really should have seen this one coming.  And I guess in a way, I did.

   It's been snowing a lot around here.  Some years we don't get any snow at all, while others it just dumps!  Well when it snows, it makes my husbands job significantly busier and as a result he works a ton of overtime.  I am sort of used to it, but this week has been especially busy.  My kids have sports that they go to, I had appointments...

  I was doing good until Thursday...  Thursday I hit my threshold and before leaving for work that morning my hubby had actually had a quick little chat about how I needed to stay on top of my responsibilities around the house or I was going to get overwhelmed.  It is less about how he feels the house is looking and more that he knows, if my counters are cluttered and my floor is sticky I turn into a crazy woman.

  Well, what did I do instead?  Very little.  I got what needed to be done, done.  But nothing extra at all.  End results.  One very overwhelmed Leigh.

   Hubby knew he would be working late.  He was able to come home for literally 5 minutes to pick something up and then had to head back out for a late night.  That means bedtime routine was now on my plate.  That is usually fine, I know what this time of year can be like, so I mentally prepare for that.  I didn't.  Now I was overwhelmed and spent.

   I survived bedtime but it was certainly the last of my sanity.  The kids were overtired from playing in the snow and anyone with kids knows, overtired just makes everything a bit more complicated.  Friday went much the same as Thursday, but because I had only done the minimum on Thursday I was more overwhelmed by Friday and I took care of literally just what needs to get done to keep kids going.  Meals, Naps, Diapers... The kids would think everything was fine... But dishes, laundry, anything else that should be getting done to keep my sanity didn't happen.  By the time bedtime came I was a mess... And hubby needed to work late again.  He called to see how I was doing and asked me the usual questions....

"How was your day?  Did you get some stuff done today like you needed to?  Do you feel like you did your best and were productive?"

Ugh!  The last question was phrased in such a way that there is not skirting the issue.  I know I hadn't tried my best.  My hubby would be fine if our house looked like a bomb went off as long as I had done my best that day.  And I knew the answer to that question was going to solicit a conversation I didn't want to have.  I was in a bad mood and tired.  Alas, I am not going to directly lie to the man...

"Yes, I got some things done, No I do not feel like I did my best."  The common sense part of my brain was finally kicking in and telling off the overwhelmed ostrich side of my personality.  Ugh!  Where was my common sense 2 days ago when I needed it... Before the downhill spiral.

I really gotta kick that ostrich mentality!!

I could hear the firm edge come in his voice, "Okay, well I will be late again tonight, so we can't talk tonight, but we will deal with this tomorrow afternoon sometime when we have a few minutes."

And there were the words... "we will deal with this..." that does not sound favourable toward my bottom...  But what's a girl to say?  I am an adult, and I do know how to kick my butt into gear when I choose to... And I didn't choose wisely...  Lump in throat... feeling the need to hide my bottom... Haha, why did I choose this lifestyle again??

  By Saturday I needed to pull myself together because I knew my hubby was going to need his wife to let him sleep a bit.... He had pulled nearly an all nighter and needed a bit of sleep before heading back out to work.  Of course there were appointments and what-not scheduled weeks ago... I had gotten up at a decent hour which always helps my mental state so that was good.  But man, I was tired.  I don't sleep as well when my man is working late, I'm always listening for when he comes home.  Plus, there was the weight of my bottoms demise in the afternoon.  I don't know about you, but waiting just kills me!  I would far rather have a punishment done right away then have to wait for it.. I guess that is a pretty normal emotion... But, there was really no way around it.

   Finally at 3:00 I thought we were going to be able to get it over with... Nope... Hubby got called back into work for a few hours!  UGH!! That was it, I was so spent.  My kids were fighting, my house is a mess... And then my kids got into a bunch of stuff that they shouldn't have and I flipped my lid.  Finally, I made it to bedtime.  My kids were actually pretty easy to get to sleep... No sooner were they asleep and my hubby walks in the door.

   I was upstairs and I heard my hubby walk into the kitchen and gasp at the state of it.  Ya, it was pretty bad.  Because of the mess the kids had made it was a sight to be seen.  Up he came to the bedroom.  He had a testing look on his face.

  "So, I know you have had a pretty rough week, but we still have some unfinished business to deal with.  Lets get that over with before we talk about anything else."

   There it is.  I know what he wants me to do, so I walk over to his side of the bed, take a deep breath, remove my jeans and bend over the bed.  I can hear him getting the awful spatula.  Ugh, seriously, that thing may not have much weight behind it, but it carries one heck of a sting.  I'm pretty sure my hubby was nice to me for the first 3 or 4 swats, but then there wasn't much mercy.  I was seriously up on my toes holding onto my pillow willing it to make the stinging stop.  My pillow did not help at all, nasty pillow!  I guess the good part was I could feel the stress from this crazy week finally melting away...  But he was still going when I was good and ready for him to stop.  I let out a few involuntary "yipes".  Finally the swats stopped raining down, I waited for him to tell me it was over.

Picture this over a bed, but ya, that was basically me.  I don't think I was quite as graceful as her though!

   "Okay, you can stand up now."

   I stood up and looked at him, he had a look... I was blown away by the words that came out of his mouth next "okay, go stand in the corner." UUUMM! WHAT?!  I mean, we had discussed corner time before.  Yes, I had given him permission to use it, but he didn't think he would at the time.  He said he thought it wasn't his style.  Well guess who's changing redefining his style.  Well I was so shocked I couldn't even engage my brain enough to find a corner I finally just squeaked out "which corner", he directed, I walked.

   So there I was, in a corner, with a very hot, stinging bottom.  Well isn't this just great.  People talk about the great reflections they have in "Corner Time"... Ummm.. It gets boring REALLY quick!!  How much reflection can one person have? Really?! Please, am I alone here?  Are you truly able to reflect in that awkward position??

   Several hours minutes later (seriously it felt like forever!) he called me back over to him.  Over I walked, pretty sure my face was a little red from the shock of the situation.  That's when the lecture started.  I was surprised when he hadn't said anything before or during the spanking.  I guess he had intended to punctuate "corner time" with lecture time.  Oh yay!  His lecture was actually very thoughtful and caring.  He asked me how my week had gone and what choices I could have made to have avoided the catastrophe that was my week's end.  He asked if I had been getting up when I was supposed to... No, I hadn't, and I know that sets me up for failure.  He looked a little surprised and asked why I hadn't been getting up on time.  Now ladies, don't answer with "I don't know"!  If your man is anything like mine, he won't like it.  The look on his face, while it is a bit comical now, was not Saturday night!

  His eyes narrowed a little and he said "Okay, now that answer has put me in a bit of a position here..." He looked a bit conflicted and thoughtful "ya" he answered himself "we are going to go with more corner time, head on back." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!  Off I go, Great! more reflection time.  But then, I don't know is kind of a stupid answer isn't it.  I know why I'm not getting up, I'm not a morning person, I hate mornings... And that was all I needed to say.  At least it is honest, I don't know was the cop-out answer.  Ugh.  Well there I stood.  But I was proud of myself the that 2 minute reflection.  Yay! A win for Leigh! tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, hum.... I wonder where that ding in the wall came from... It's a bit chilly in here... What is that spot on the carpet... Finally hubby calls me back over... He repeats the question and I respond like a normal, functioning adult with my answer that I received while reflecting!  Excellent, that was the answer he was looking for...  Lecture continues...

   "Ya, I'm not a morning person either Leigh, nor am I a work all night and function the next day person... But we all have responsibilities..."  Hum.... Yes, point taken.

   Overall it was a good conversation, I talked about some things that I have found very challenging lately with staying home with kids and family not living close.  He had some good suggestions for helping me stay in a good frame of mine... And then I finally felt the lump in my throat move over altogether and the tears came.  It was so sudden and unexpected.  I don't usually cry during discipline, but it all finally came together and hit home.  My sweet, gentle man gathered me up in his arms and held me.  He said he had been waiting for that, he knew it was in there and needed to come out.  He knows how stubbornly I hold onto control and he said that this wasn't ending until I had finally let it all out.

  I know he knows me well, but I was surprised to hear him say that.  I don't think I even knew that I needed to cry.  I mean a part of me wanted to, but I had no idea how much better I was going to feel after.  It was all just gone, melted, done!

  "There's my good girl."  And the affirmations continued, I could feel my sanity restoring.  I can make it through another week.  I love my man, I love this life.


  1. Hi Leigh, This is my first visit here, Lindy sent me!Try not to be too hard on yourself, Christmas is an overwhelming time of year, especially if you have children, there's not many wives in Blogland who escape a Christmas spanking or two. Hope the rest of your week is better,
    love Jan, xx

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Humm... Somehow I deleted my comment... I believe it went something like this...

      Thank you so much Jan ☺️ I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised at how it actually helped with the stress tremendously! I am always a little surprised at how it gets my hubby and I back on track and enjoying each other rather than ripping each other apart.
      Thanks for stopping by and reading my ramblings... Blogging has helped me organize some of them many thoughts that float in my head over and over.
      I look forward to hearing from you again soon ☺️

  2. Leigh that darn wooden spatula. My hubby used to use that also, lucky for me he doesn't so much now.
    Hope your stress levels stay low for the Christmas period, always a trying time.

    Hugs Lindy xx

    1. Right?! It's a stingy one! It looks so deceiving... The first time he brought it out I nearly laughed... Glad I didn't, cause once he got going it packed a bit of a punch 😂
      Out Christmas plans are mostly set... So fingers crossed the stress levels stay LOW!! But with hubbys work schedule, it will take some serious effort on my part!

  3. It's great when our men know exactly the response they need from us to break through our walls and help us move past the difficult times and into a more positive and productive place.

    1. It is amazing! And I am watching him get to know me a little better as the time passes💕