Wednesday, 14 December 2016

Just a Thought

   So I had a thought today as I was sitting with my boys doing some schoolwork.  TTWD has been on my mind a lot... For obvious reasons, it is still fairly new for hubby and I.  I like to think and over thing and then think some more when it comes to doing something new... Especially when it is as out-of-the-box as this is.  Why is this working for us?  Why does the lack of consistency make it so frustrating?  Why do I keep pursuing this when it ins't always easy?

  And then a thought floated through my little brain.  I love this lifestyle because it puts an importance back on my Hubby and I.  We are forced to make our marriage a priority again after having kids and them being the focus for the past several years.  When my hubby and I first got married there was none of that difficult first year stuff that I have heard from others.  It was truly bliss.  We loved every minutes and sailed through the first couple years.  We didn't fight, we discussed... It was pretty amazing.  I thought we had this marriage thing down.

 
Fast forward a few years, add a couple kids and we were in a completely different place in our marriage.  Our focus was always on kids.  Kids walking, talking, getting sick.  What school do we put them in, do we do preschool?  Should we have them in sports...  We need to buy clothes, they need bikes... Seriously... It is truly endless.  It's not that we haven't loved having kids, it just made focusing on each other that much more difficult.  I don't think I was very good at it all to be honest.  I became 100% focused on my kids.. And that, I am sure, contributed to the erosion of the relationship I so valued.

ya, this looks about right... This is about where I am at with life some days...

   Now enter TTWD...  If I don't focus some of my energy on what my hubby wants, thinks, says... Where do I end up?  With a seriously toasted bottom.  Just that alone is motivating for me consider what he thinks about what I do.  But if that were the whole thing, it wouldn't work for me.  I need communication.  I need to feel seen.  My hubby and I lead very busy lives.  I home school, my hubby works very hard at 3 different jobs that he has.  Two of them are seasonal.. But it still makes for a busy life.  Plus our boys are in sports and we are actively involved in our church.  Just writing it down, it doesn't look that busy, but just add normal life to that and we feel like we are always going.

We can juggle it all... Right???

   Before TTWD I always felt like my hubby didn't see what I was doing... Like I was the invisible woman who just cleaned up and provided free daycare...  I wasn't bitter, but I was feeling sad.  My best friend was too tired to notice me any more.  I couldn't blame him, he works very hard so that I can be a stay at home mom, and I appreciate that so much.  But sadly, we can't help whether we feel lonely or not.  And that was a big factor, I was lonely.  I am naturally a very social person, but being mom can get a little recluse sometimes as there is so many things that take priority over social engagements.


   Here we are, nearly a year into this lifestyle and my husband notices me.  He enquires about my day and my feelings.  He checks on my mental well being.  He is finally verbalising what he was thinking for the last several years, but it is a conversation with me.  I feel cared for, important.  When spankings happen, there is always conversation after.  We always get to the bottom of the feelings and how I ended up there.  It might start out as a lecture, but it always ends with us feeling like we understand where each other were at in that situation or at least what our thought pattern was.  How can I not love this lifestyle when it is giving me something I have missed so much from our relationship.  This lifestyle is so much deeper than discipline and rules for me.  It is about connection, it is about understanding my hubby and what makes him happy.  Its about him being attentive to my feelings and thoughts and pursuing them when he doesn't understand them



   Could we achieve this without the spankings?  Hum.... Maybe... But we never seemed to actually achieve that.  In some ways it is a little incentive for my hubby... Lets be honest, even if he doesn't actually enjoy doling out the actual discipline... What hubby doesn't like to see his wife nude behind? It seems to be of great appeal to most of the men in this lifestyle...  And I for one, am ok with this setup.



   Maybe this isn't everyones reason, but this was my pondering for the day and I felt like I found my "Why" in this situation.

26 comments:

  1. Hello, I just found your blog and enjoyed reading it. I too homeschool, have a baby and am newer to ttwd. I agree since introducing dd are marriage is like newlyweds again. Even better. I love and crave his attention and this sure gives it to me... sometimes more than I'd like :)

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    1. Nice to hear from someone in similar circumstances to myself ☺️ Thanks for stopping by, I am surprised by all the comments so far☺️ I look forward to chatting more ☺️

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  2. Leigh,
    I laughed out loud........ "what husband doesn't like to see his wife's nude behind"................ that statement is so very true. They have us where they want us, that is for sure! The points you raised are all valid and true. For me, I love feeling and seeing his leadership. That leadership was always there, but not always acknowledged by me.
    Meredith

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    1. That conversation came up between hubby and I as we reminisced about the music/radio station thing he did when we were first dating.. He didn't remember it... But after re-telling him the story we got to talking about how deceptively assertive he was back then... And I loved that about him, his confidence... He was the first guy to tell me instead of ask or suggest... I saw a thoughtful look come on his face... Who really knows what thoughts were flying through his head... But if his previous leadership skills are going to start coming out again... I am good with that arrangement ๐Ÿ’•

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  3. Hello Leigh,
    I've just found your blog through Meredith and Lindy. I look forward to reading more about you. Welcome to Blogland!
    Rosie xx

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    1. Thanks Rosie ☺️
      I appreciate you stopping by to welcome me to blogland ☺️

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  4. Hi Leigh, :) I also came round due to Lindy and Meredith's posts. Nice to meet you!

    I agree with what you have pondered here. As the mother of four children (now college and beyond), I completely understand how easy it is for the relationship with your hubby to get lost in the everyday, nonstop, exhausting, but amazingly loving job of taking care of multiple young kids! At the end of the day, after little ones needing you all day long, it is hard to find another ounce to give to the one that we love. It sounds like you have found that ttwd has helped you both to remember who was there first. Good for you! And spanking, a wonderful tool, is the great connector in so many ways, and helps one to stay the course! Sounds like you are doing great!

    LOL on the wife's nude behind!

    Glad that you are here. I look forward to getting to know you better! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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    1. Hi Katie ☺️
      I'm glad you liked my post ☺️ I've been so serious in all my posts so far I had to bring a bit of humour to it ☺️ Plus, it's just truth๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ thank you for stopping by ☺️ I look forward to chatting soon

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  5. Hi Leigh and welcome to our part of blogland. I wandered over via Lindy's post and am happy that I did so! Nude wife's behind...every husbands heaven

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    1. Hi Don,
      Thanks for the welcome ☺️ Glad you appreciated my humour๐Ÿ˜‚ My hubby would agree with your statement ☺️๐Ÿ˜‚
      See you around blogland ☺️

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  6. For whatever the reason the level of caring, commitment, compassion, connection are all that much deeper thanks to ttwd. Making your relationship a priority again is not only great for the two of you but for your boys as well. How wonderful that they see caring, loving parents taking care of each other as well as them. I can honestly say that there isn't one aspect of our lives that hasn't been touched in a positive way by ttwd. So glad to hear that it's working so well in your house.....and I agree about the nude behind!

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    1. Oh so true๐Ÿ’• I'm so thankful to be able to model a healthy marriage for my boys. It isn't perfect, but I hear them tell people how much mommy loves daddy and nothing makes my heart pitter patter more than that ๐Ÿ’• We don't all grow up believe that. I feel very blessed to raise my boys in that atmosphere ๐Ÿ’

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  7. Hey Leigh...in reading your thoughts above, I realize you have a lot in common with Baker over at 'Our Sweeter Approach to Life' (http://oursweetapproach.blogspot.com/)...she is also a stay at home mom who homeschools and whose husband works a lot of hours. If you haven't already, go visit her blog...think you two will be an amazing support for one another. Oh and yes, I do believe all hubbies appreciate viewing and stroking their wife's bare bums. ;)

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. Hi Cat,
      Thanks for the suggestion. I actually started e-mailing baker a bit over a week ago I think... We were so surprised to have so much in common ☺️

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  8. Hi Leigh, I think this is something we all discover in those early days of ttwd, welcome to the club, Hope you have fun out here in Blogland!
    love Jan, xx

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    1. Awe, thanks Jan :)
      I am excited to discover what else this lifestyle has to offer :)

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  9. Hi Leigh I know how hard life can be home schooling. My daughter home schools and doesn't have a minute to herself. Its amazing how TTWD makes us all closer to our husbands. Wouldn't want it any other way.

    Have you met Baker yet? She home schools her children also.

    Hugs Lindy xx

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    1. Hi Lindy,
      I have met Baker ☺️ I found her through Meredith. She and I started emailing and found out we had a lot in common, including homeschool ☺️
      Thanks for the suggestion though, it is nice to find people who are in the same stage of life ☺️

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  10. Hi, Leigh,
    I apologize for being remiss and not welcoming you to blogging. Have fun with it. Excellent post.
    --Baker

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    1. Not a problem at all! I didn't expect anything... I am just so blown away with how welcoming this community has been already ☺️

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  13. Another very good post here. I over think things most days too. It usually is also what leads me into more hot water. Sounds like you both have your hands full right now and it is all to easy to put each other aside for the kids. While we are always committed to taking care of our children's needs first and foremost, remember the two of you were together first and one day believe me... the children will be on their own, you will be empty nester so building and focusing on your relationship now is crucial so you will be on the same page when that day comes. Your kids will benefit from much happier parents even if they don't know the real reasons why!!

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    1. I have friends who grew up in such happy homes with loving parents who loved each other. That is our goal, to be a good example to our boys of what a loving marriage should look like. It hasn't always been perfect.. But I hope that they see the effort we are putting into each other.

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  14. Hi Leigh,I enjoyed reading this. It's so easy for taking care of the relationship and each other to take a back seat with life's craziness, and especially when raising young children. I'm glad you and your husband are discovering the deeper connection and communication ttwd brings. I too giggled at the nude behind comment lol.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz,
      I love what this is doing for our relationship, I feel like we are rediscovering each other all over again. With the added bonus for my hubby of course ;) He does so love the view. LOL!

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