It was May and we had just gotten a new vehicle! I was thrilled because now the kids wouldn't be all in one row "not touching" each other!! Ugh! Why do all kids know how to bug each other by playing the "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you..." and hovering a finger an inch away?! Our previous vehicle was a lemon from the day we bought it. There was always something going wrong... One of the minor but most annoying issues was that the doors wouldn't lock, you had to manually lock them. Well I'm sorry, when your carrying kids, groceries, clothing, diaper bags... your not going to manually lock every door... Especially on a vehicle you really wish would get stolen anyway! I would push the lock button on the key fob, that would at least set the alarm, but even then, I would forget all the time... Because I just DIDN'T CARE!
But all that was about to change! We had a vehicle that was not a lemon. We have payments on this vehicle. We value this vehicle. So, there is a new rule. Leigh must ALWAYS lock her vehicle, no exception. Failure to do so WILL end in a spanking. Okay, fair enough, that should be simple enough, all I have to do is push the button right. I think I was about 2 weeks in and low and behold, I forgot to lock the door... Or so I am told, I think one of the kids went back into the vehicle and didn't lock it behind them... But it doesn't matter, I know I am responsible to make sure it is locked.
It was easy for me to submit to my spanking because it is an obvious infraction. There wasn't much to it, he told me to assume my position over the bed, bottom bared... He used his favourite implement at that time, a flat wooden spatula...
For the size of that thing it is deceivingly stingy! It wasn't really that intense, I mean it hurt, but I wouldn't say it was shocking.
It was over and I was left actually a little frustrated. Every spanking I had received was, in my mind, wimpy. Now I have read a lot of blogs, so I have read how it can take some men longer than others to really find their stride. But I wasn't sure my hubby had it in him. How was this dynamic going to work if he couldn't actually spank me. Its not that I didn't feel bad that I had left the door unlocked, I did... I was just beginning to wonder if this was going to be everything I had hoped it would be... So...
I did something that I shouldn't have done. I left the van door unlocked the following day... On purpose. Well, mostly on purpose. I had forgotten to lock it, went and checked it cause I had a feeling I had forgotten, saw it was unlocked and then had a bratting moment and left it that way.
I went inside to clean up and start dinner. What was my hubby going to do when he saw the door unlocked 2 days in a row? As I chopped up veggies my conscience was getting the better of me, this was not only a really bad attitude, it was dishonest. I should really just have a conversation with him and tell him how I was feeling. Okay, I came to my senses! Whew! And he wasn't home yet, there is time to lock the door...
Just then the doorbell went, it was my sister, she popped over for a visit... I Completely forgot about the van, honestly, thought vanished... My hubby came home to my sister and I playing with bullet journals at our kitchen table. I chirped a hello as I was having a great time with my sister and didn't even notice the look on my hubby's face. He said hello to my sister and then looked at me and just said "your van is unlocked." My stomach sank. I hadn't re-locked it. My sister looked at me and giggled.
"you alright there? You look like someone just told you it was stolen."
My sister doesn't know anything about our dynamic so I just quickly switched gears and told her it was a really big pet peeve of my hubby's I would be hearing about this later. She just kind of laughed it off and we continued with our little visit.
My sister finally left and I could feel the pit in my stomach tighten. Not because my hubby had found the van unlocked, but because I couldn't let him think I had forgotten... I had to tell him the truth. Boy was I kicking myself for my brat attitude earlier!
My hubby called me into the living room. I took a deep breath and went to him. He asked me what my rule with my new van was and I repeated the rule.
"Always lock the van and double check that it is locked."
He told me I was going to get another spanking for this and because it was 2 days in a row it obviously needed to be more serious than yesterdays.
"ummm, I need to talk to you first." I was able to get out over the lump in my throat. He waited. I didn't know where to begin... so I just blurted it all out.
"Well ok, so the spankings, ya they hurt. But I have been wondering if you will actually be able push me past my pain tolerance? I have a very high threshold for pain, and I know you are very gentle, do you have it in you to actually go beyond a little spanking to actual discipline?"
He told me he didn't know what this conversation had to do with the situation at hand...
So I just said "I left it unlocked on purpose!"
Oh I wanted to melt into the floor. If you had seen the look on his face. It transitioned so fast. It went from all business, to a flash of shock, anger, and disbelief. I stood in the middle of our living room getting more and more uncomfortable by the second.
"So you are telling me that after being spanked for leaving your van unlocked yesterday, you deliberately left it unlocked today? Is this a game to you?"
Oh I was sick "No, it isn't a game. I changed my mind and was going to go and lock it, but then my sister showed up and I genuinely forgot then..." I wanted to start crying, but I couldn't, the lump in my throat was keeping the tears at bay.
"you do realise that this isn't about the van being unlocked anymore. This is a question of honesty, something I have never had to question with you. You deliberately lied to me and disrespected me in doing so."
Yep, if I could have willed the floor to swallow me up I would have. I felt about 1 inch tall.
"Take off your pants and kneel in front of the ottoman."
|This is pretty close to what my ottoman looks like...|
I was stunned, we had always spanked in our bedroom... that was just where we do it... In the living room I felt so exposed, I mean the blinds were closed, but it's an older house, I know that the walls aren't that sound proof. I had enough sense not to argue, but so far, I was seriously disliking my past self that wanted to have a brat attitude a few hours before... I did as I was told and knelt in front of the ottoman.
"Now bend over it." It was cold. Leather is not like bending over your warm bed. He closed our living room door to the hallway, no noise would disturb our kids. (although, they sleep like the dead... so it probably wouldn't have anyway.) Then I heard him doing something behind me and I realised he was taking his work belt off.
My heart started pounding, he had never used a belt before. I balled my hands into fists and closed my eyes, I had a feeling this was going to be awful. I've read about warm ups... ya... there was no warm up! A few seconds after hearing his belt come off I felt the first swat land with some seriously searing pain. I gasped in a breath, but I didn't move. The strokes came increasingly fast and hard. I lost count somewhere after 17 because the pain was getting overwhelming. By this time I was jolting forward with each stroke that landed. And then there was a pause. I didn't dare move. I never assume a spanking is over, I lay there until I am told I can get up. About a minute passed and he told me to lay face down on the carpet. Uuuumm... that was new... but given the condition of my behind, I was in no position to question. I did as I was told. I was there for what felt like forever. He told me later it was about 15 minutes. He wanted to see how my behind was holding up to this. He tells me I was flaming red and I believe him. After 15 minutes he told me to go back over the ottoman.
I was very surprised. That had already been way more than he had ever done and now he was going to do more... On an already tender bottom... I truly didn't know that he had this in him or if I had any more in me. As I lay over the ottoman waiting, he lectured. He talked about trust and integrity and respect. All of which I had violated. I couldn't argue, I agreed fully. I felt awful, how could I turn something that we took so seriously into a game? The strokes started falling again, just as hard as before, but this time more deliberate. I guess he was working on his aim. He made sure to get every square inch of space on my bottom, sit spot and top of my thighs. I was trying to take it well, but it hurt so bad. I didn't kick or try to get up, but you had better believe I lurched with each stroke and was not stoic at all, I didn't beg him to stop, I didn't think it would do any good. Each stroke drew and involuntary yelp from me. His words echoed in my head, I had betrayed his trust, I had disrespected him and I had compromised my own integrity. I felt bad before the spanking started and the lecture hit home. The strokes finally stopped falling. I laid there in silence, bottom stinging, throbbing, burning. He told me to get up and face him, he pushed my chin up cause I couldn't look him in the eye. He had a very serious look on his face and he asked,
"Did that feel like a game?"
"No, it didn't."
He wrapped his arms around me and I melted into his chest, I don't know why I didn't cry, I felt like crying... But I couldn't. I apologised and told him that would never happen again. I told him I was truly sorry before he had even spanked me. He kissed me, forgave me and sent me to bed. Even though it was hard to take and hard to face the fact that I had betrayed his trust in such a selfish way, I was amazed at how the spanking actually made the guilt go away. I had confessed, he had disciplined and now it was over. I was able to sleep in peace, and sleep I did!
There have been other spankings since, and I will blog about those later.. But this was my first real spanking... and first serious spanking... I am not looking to repeat this one any time soon. This one had me sitting carefully for a few days, that is for sure! Now I wouldn't say that I haven't done anything to deserve one like this one again, but thankfully I haven't gotten one like this one since. And I can say with confidence, I won't be leaving my car unlocked on purpose ever again!
This one is a lot harder to publish, as much as my previous posts have been personal... This one is vulnerable... And as you read in my first 2, I am not comfortable with vulnerable. But I wanted to write a blog that was raw and honest. One that showed this dynamic in its infant stages... So this is it. This is where it began and I am looking forward to sharing my journey with you and I hope you see the beauty in this lifestyle.